Forever...

(It is very early on Sunday morning here)
Our day Saturday was wonderfully full. We woke up well rested from our best night of sleep, after being physically and emotionally exhausted from the court hearing on Friday. Phil and I headed out early with Natasha our translator to the passport/ visa building to apply for Ivan’s passport and pay the fine we owed for traveling on a business visa instead of an adoption visa. We literally sat around and waited for HOURS but in the end, accomplished both of our tasks there. Phil and I were “scolded” separately regarding the business visas. The tone of voice was not even stern, but when Natasha translated the officer’s words, “You have violated Russian law” Phil’s heart nearly stopped…He came out of the room and said, “Those were words I never imagined hearing in my lifetime…not words I really wanted to hear!” It was a seamless process and we left with excitement knowing that having Ivan’s passport would allow us to pick him up from the orphanage that day.

We went back to pick up Barrett and Clara (Barrett had apparently gotten worried about us since it took half the day to do our 1st errand) and headed to the grocery store to purchase some food and milk for Ivan. This was quite stressful for me honestly. I realized how little we really know about his schedule, likes, dislikes, allergies, etc. I felt so overwhelmed and ill equipped to be buying his food. Natasha kept asking me what I wanted to purchase and I kept saying, “I have no idea…honestly, no idea”. I am sure this gave her great confidence in my parenting skills, but she helped me and I took her advice. (Most of it…but I did pass on the jar of lamb baby food…lamb…I just couldn’t do it.)

The drive out to the orphanage seemed longer than ever. We were in a bit of traffic and it was later in the afternoon than we had ever been before. I was thankful for a quiet car as Phil and Barrett slept for most of the nearly 2 hour drive. (Clara and Natasha were in the other car).

I cried for much of the drive, not believing that THIS was the day we have been working towards and dreaming about. Ivan would leave the orphanage with us forever. He had slept his last night there. Eaten his last meal there. He would now come home with us to a new life, new family, new forever.

When the orphanage director brought him in, he was again nervous but warmed in time and allowed me to change his clothes and get him ready for our departure. I struggled through much of this time, feeling like my emotions were too big for my heart to contain. I was thankful, hopeful, sad, and heart-broken.


We took gifts to the caregivers, directors, and doctors. We also took the shoes Barrett had purchased. I imagined these exchanges to be tear-filled and memorable as I thanked them for their love and care for my son, but the items were delivered by Natasha while we waited for final papers to leave. We did have our moments of thanks, but the staff was quick to turn the thanks back to us and hurry us along.

I asked for permission to tour Ivan’s living quarters once again and take photographs this time. While not immediately thrilled with my seemingly presumptuous request, the orphanage director obliged. I am so glad I asked. That short walk will never be forgotten as I long as I live.

As we came to the bottom of the stairs, we turned a different way than I had gone on our first trp to see Ivan’s sleeping and play room. When I questioned, she told me that he was bigger now, he had moved to the side for the older children. It is law that you can’t see and certainly photograph any other children in the orphanage so I could hear that they had moved all of the children into a side room to stay out of my view.

We went first into the crib room, the nighttime sleeping room. Ivan’s afternoon caregiver was there waiting to show me which of the many cribs in the room was his. All of the cribs were numbered and as I looked around the room and tried to get it all into a photo, she waked over to a crib in the middle of many others and said, “This is Vanya’s crib. This is where he sleeps”. I almost couldn’t believe my eyes as I saw the number “7” on my sweet Ivan’s crib. “7” was Phil’s number in college and professional soccer for many years. Barrett now wears the “7” jersey and Maggie has worn the “7”… always to be like their Daddy. Ivan has also worn the “7”. He had a number “7” bib hanging in the bathroom and a number “7” sponge that he was cleaned with. He sat in chair “7” to eat and slept in crib “7”. Tender mercies from a loving God. Tender mercies.

Our farewell to the orphanage staff and especially Ivan’s afternoon caregiver proved to be overwhelmingly emotional. My heart sang with thanks and sorrow all at the same time as the caregiver asked to hold him and kiss him once more. Her tears were treasures I will hold in my heart forever. The director gave Barrett and Clara a small gift so they would “never forget Russia” and we were rushed out the door to the car while crying and waving just one last time.

The ride home was in the dark and Ivan was still as a mouse. So still in fact that a few times I put my hand firmly on his back to make sure he was breathing. He laid his head on my chest and firmly grasped one of my fingers for the entire ride home. With his other hand, he held one of Barrett’s fingers for the entire ride as well. Brothers. Ivan has a brother. A brother who worked for over a year to make this journey to the other side of the world to bring him home. A brother who could barely contain himself all morning waiting to go pick up his “little buddy”. A brother forever. The drive was almost silent. Peaceful. There were many prayers and thankful tears.

My cheeks hurt from smiling as I fed Ivan (he ate like a champ!) and watched him play after we returned. He is a smart and happy child…he “came alive” after only a short time here in the hotel room. I sponged him off with yummy baby soap and then did what I had been dying to do for so very long. I rubbed baby lotion on him and put him in a delicious footed sleeper and held him so tight. I didn’t want to put him to bed, but of course knew it was best. He has now been asleep all night, squirming a bit and quietly sucking him thumb, just like Maryn, Maggie, and Barrett all did.

I kept standing over the crib and staring at this precious gift. This miracle. We truly believe we are saving his life and as I looked down at his tiny body, sleeping soundly in he crib, I cried tears of praise over and over again. My heart kept simply saying, “Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus.”

I am sorry for the super long post, I just had to get this all out. A good cry at the computer has proven to be healing for my soul quite a few times in this process! We are heading to Moscow in a few hours on the train. I am honestly not ready to leave Nizhny yet. But what makes it good and sweet and beautiful is that this time, Ivan comes too!

Forever...