A New Forever

Of all the days that are special and memorable in our adoption process with Ivan, November 1, 2008 trumps them all for me. Today is the ONE YEAR anniversary of having Ivan in our arms for good! Today is the anniversary of the day we traveled back to the orphanage for the last time...

• ...when we walked away with changed hearts, changes lives, and a new son.
• ...when we said farewell to the caregivers that had held, changed, fed, and bathed Ivan for the previous year.
• ...when we watched tears fall down one special caregiver's cheeks as she bid Ivan farewell (a visual answer to our prayers that Ivan would be a favored, would be loved, would bond with those who were there when we could not be)
• ...when we hurriedly walked to the car in the chilly night air while I said to Ivan, "We are busting you outta' here!", turning our tears to laughter.

For me, November 1st was the day in the process when it all seemed real. There was something about the entire process for me that seemed like a movie or a novel, something that was happening, but not really to us; something we were watching and even experiencing, but not really ourselves living. There were so many documents, appointments, phone calls, questions, fears, doubts, and dreams that it all began to feel very surreal.

I remember being in court on Halloween, giving my speech, feeling like I was having an out of body experience. Not the kind that is creepy or spiritual, just the sense that what was occurring was so strange and huge and miraculous that it might not be real. I remember going to sleep (or TRYING to do so) the night after we were pronounced Ivan's family and he was given the name, Ivan Philip Wolf, wondering if tomorrow would really come. Would this child we had prayed for since even before he was born really be ours? Would they really let us swoop him up and take him home with us just like that? Would this new forever really ever begin?

November 1, 2008 will definitely go down in history as one of the greatest, most memorable days of my life. I have vivid images of virtually each and every moment of the day:

• getting Ivan's passport after paying our fine for "breaking Russian law!";
• shopping for food, milk, and diapers that we would need for our first days together;
• purchasing the train tickets to head back to Moscow;
• the long, long drive out to the orphanage;
• seeing Ivan again with the new realization that I would never have to "visit" him again but would instead eat and sleep and drive and live with him;
• changing him into his first outfit and soft leather shoes;
• driving back to the hotel in utter disbelief and overwhelming thanks;
• bathing him and snuggling him in his delicious footed pajamas;
• standing over him as he slept with thick tears in my eyes...

I never want to forget that day. It was HOPE realized. It was a miracle. It was the beginning our new forever.

And I never want to forget today. Today I feel so blessed and full of love for my precious son that I could burst. I squeezed him a hundred times today and rocked him even after he had fallen asleep just to feel his warm footed-pajama body and hear his tiny breaths.

What a day. What a year. What a journey.

Words are hard to find that adequately express all that my heart if feeling today...this momma is going to sleep tonight with a full and thankful heart! "The LORD has done great things for us and we are filled with joy!" Hallelujah! (And seriously, could he BE any cuter?!)